In Memory of My Grandmother; A letter, to Vivian Kapusta

    I remember like it was yesterday; I would cross the street to visit you almost everyday (which was quite a big feat for a small child), and there I had many memories. From the beat-up, old, red wagon I tugged things around in, to barbie dolls and legos, to the coloring books you had, to the old board games and card games, and the vast collection you had of all the old animated Disney classics. Of course, there was so much more, but those are only a few of the things that stick out in my mind; a few of the things that made my childhood. I would always ask for the same-old-same-old as far as food goes, and that too alone became somewhat of a memorable thing in my mind. It was always peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; toasted, and usually with either marmalade or mint jelly, or chicken ramen noodles, with chocolate milk. It was always my favorite thing to eat while I spend time at your house, while either playing, or watching old animated Disney movies. Heck, I remember, you had so many movies, you had to actually number them, like library books, just to find them easier.

    I can honestly say I think my artistic abilities originated from you. You were so good at drawing and coloring, half the time that's all I would see you do is color. You were able to take some of the most basic and/or childish coloring books and turn each page into a work of art. Of course, You drew more than just in those books; there were quite a few small, plain statues that you painted as well, for a colorful touch. It was the coloring books, though, that opened the small window of wanting to go farther; to draw, to be more artistic, and quite clearly, that has grown over the years.

    You also had some of the best, most unique food, too. Your speghetti, meatloaf, vegetables, and cookies were so good, and so different from any other of its kind that I had had before. Although any other family member would remember your speghetti, I especially loved your corn fritters. I had never even heard of the things until you made them for me one day. Yeah, they weren't the healthiest snack, but they were delicious. You never did give me the recipe though....I'll really miss those things, too...

    There are so many other things, your collection of turtle nic-nacs, your kindness, and your love for your family, are just a few more to the many.

    I know that you might not have had much, but it gave me a chance to do more and experiance more. I swear, I was more of a kid on your side of the street than mine. Infact, it actually really saddens me to see how much the place has changed over time, and you not being there has to be the biggest change of all. Sometimes I spend more time with you than my parents, being that they worked all the time, and I loved you so much. Yet sometimes, I would almost seem to forget about those days. Now that I see how much things have changed around there, in more ways than one, it kinda makes a painful tug on my childhood memories, and makes me further miss the way things used to be, how my life used to be.

    Since I moved, and as I grew older, and my time grew less sparing, with school and my building social life and all, I spent less time visiting you. Then you got a job, and time became even more scarce then. looking back on it, although I could not help it, I regret it. There was even a time a few weeks ago when I asked if you could help me sew an art project, and though I asked, I neglected to respond to your future calls and messages about it, asking if I still needed your help...I got them done by myself, but I still never got back to you...

    It had been months since I had actually visited you, and I had to be taken to get my prom dress fitted. Both my parents were working, so mom asked if you could take me, and you were more than up for it. You thought it looked amazing on me before it was even finished. You started to bring up the stories of your own prom; how you had trouble chosing between a blue or white dress, you kept going off about the blue one, wondering where it went, and said that you ended up wearing the white one (which I did eventually end up seeing the pictures of you in it, and it looked rather beautiful by the way). Before we left, you even got me a little hand bag that -actually- was meant to go with the shoes I had bought. I tried to talk you out of it, not wanting you to spend needed money on pointless, little, expensive things, but you insisted. You called it a gift from "Grandma to you," and so I complied. We did a lot that day; got the dress fitted, ate out at Bill's, and visited Great Grandma.

    I just wish that I could have better thanked you for it all...

    I know it wasn't much, but I am more than glad that I got to spend that little bit of time with you that day when I did. I know you said you wanted to see me all done-up for prom and take pictures on that day, and that you wanted to see me graduate, too. I know that you won't physically be there to see me, and so I won't get to hear what you would of had to say, or see how joyfull the expressions on your face might have been, but, in a way, I know you will still see me. I know it won't be the same, but it still puts a bit of light in heart to think about.

    Grandma Viv, you have taught me so much, whether you meant to or not, and you have always been there for me. I have always loved you, even if I wasn't always there to show it, and I will miss you. I want to thank you for all you have done for me, for everyone.