We are in at time in our nation when we have seen the largest influx of immigrants since the early parts of the 20^th century.  With this flood of new people come new languages, new foods, new customs, and new parenting styles. 

    While most people do not think of parenting styles when the subject of immigration comes up, there are interesting to look at and examine. As a child of African parents, I certainly a see contrast in the parenting style of my parents and that of my American peers.

    So, what makes African parents so different from American parents?  “Tough Love.”   It is not just them yelling at their kids in the street or calling them by their full names or the heavy, oily food they eat that makes them different; it is their way of raising their kids.  They are different because they bring up their kids in a “tough” environment that has more restrictions and expectations and receive little or no praise.

    Children of African parents know what they are expected to do and they do not challenge them, nor are they ever expected to. Knowing how to cook before you hit double digits in age, knowing strong discipline, being completely obedient, working hard and excelling in your grades are only part of the things they expect. When they, the children of Africans, go out somewhere, people know these are their children not only because they resemble them, but also because, under watchful eyes, they mimic them in every possible way. African parents instill upon their children this stereotypical norm of “tough love,” meaning they expect them to work hard without compliments. In other words, African parents want their children to discover their own strengths and feel pride in themselves. When talking to some American friends, I posed a question as to what they believe African parents are like and what style they use to raise their children. Most responses came out to be “they cook great food, they make their kids choose their own belt so that they can beat them with it,” and the ever-popular, “they don’t let their kids have any fun.” The responses are not surprising, as African culture is still very new to many people in the US, and as such stereotypes are present.  The problem is that people misunderstand the difference between African and American cultures. Sure, most African parents are strict and never remove their watchful eyes from their children, but they claim to have multiple reasons for that. Let’s take this scenario: if a child of an African parent wants to go to a friend’s house, the parent would demand to know the child’s name, age, grade in school, gender, phone number, height, weight, address, and the list could go on and on.  Meanwhile the typical American parent would say, ‘’Sure go ahead, but be home by ten.” The contrast in these two responses shows just so how much difference exists between these two cultures.  Truth be told  an African child knows  that their parents are going to be involved in every aspect of their lives, are expected to be above average, are to be home by a certain time before 7 o’clock, might be asked to choose their chastising belt, and my favorite, never hear the word “thank you.”

     Let’s look at the stereotypical American parent: doesn’t he/she instill that sense of discipline in their child? What if one was to ask what is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever done to you? A child of an American parent might say, “They embarrassed me in front of my crush by telling him I like him.”  Meanwhile the child of an African might say, “They went over to my crush’s house and demanded to see his grades, told him to stay away from me, and threatened to send me back to Africa.” A normal, loving, selfless, understanding parent that will do anything for their precious little angel is what most American parents are viewed to be.  American parents are the ones who are less strict in life and allow their children to have “fun” compared to African parents. In a stereotypical world, one could almost say that American parents are “friends” with their children, while African parents are “military commanders” to their children.

      But one could argue whether or not there really is a presence of tough love, or does it just happen to be looked at that way? Strict is strict and fun is fun. Regardless of what anyone says,  a difference between African parents who immigrated to the US and American parents who were born in America definitely exist.  The ways African parents act, speak, look and, more importantly, the way they raise their children are all different. Regardless of tough love, these children will all grow up to become their own people. Whether their parent’s love was spoken or unspoken, they are able to interpret it their own way and use the messages to define their own futures. Either way, they will still resemble their parents at some point in their lives, whether they choose to continue with their parents styles or create their own.