[ArticleImageHyperLink] Bullying: A Bridge to Dating Violence Tuesday, February 28, 2012 By Alexis Morgan Anyone who has ever been a victim of bullying or emotional abuse knows that words can hurt a person just as much as physical abuse can.  I have witnessed emotional abuse since I was at a young age.  The abuse did not occur in my home; it occurred at school.  I was not the one getting picked on.  I hung out with kids who would pick on other kids for no reason at all.  Of course, it was never a major deal—just little comments and gestures.  I never really thought about how those little comments could affect someone until I got into middle school.  Once I saw other people picking on students, I could not believe that I used to do that.  What I did not expect was to get picked on myself by people who I did not even know and over simple stuff like what I wore.  I could not help that I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl who liked to dress like a redneck every day.  At that point, I was moving to a different school so I decided to ditch the country look and put my old life behind me. Ever since I moved to Big Spring, my opinion on the matter changed. I never really thought about how those hurtful words would affect someone.  Name calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering are all forms of emotional abuse.  They brainwash a person's self-confidence, self-concept, and trust in their own perceptions. The person may feel trapped, unable to escape the everyday tormenting.  Words like "stupid" and "retard" can cut into the very core of people and make them doubt their intelligence.  Same sex couples face hurtful words like “fag” and “queer” by hostile peers.  The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was commonly heard in the school playground when we were little. The phrase simply means that you might be able to hurt me with physical force, but not by insults.  But people do not realize that small words can affect someone's life in a big way.  Those small words can create scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical scars.  Maybe the words will not hurt every time.  Coming from a stranger, the comments and insults may not affect a person as deeply.  However, when they are coming from close relatives, friends, or significant others, the words affect people in unimaginable ways.  When people are tormented constantly, they may start to think that their lives are not important or that they do not matter.  This may lead to negative behaviors such as depression, the inability to trust others, aggression, stealing, lying and even prostitution. These might also lead to engaging in risky situations or attempted/completed suicide. As bad as emotional abuse may be around the world, dating violence has also grabbed international attention.  Dating violence is a pattern of threats or acts of sexual and/or emotional abuse.  The abusers use this pattern in order to gain power and maintain control over their partners.  Violence can occur in intimate relationships between two people from all ages. However, studies show that teens between 13 and 18 are at high risk as they are beginning to explore dating and intimacy.  Studies also show that these teens are less likely to confess warning signs or abuse to friends, family, and the police. To protect oneself and one’s friends from dating violence, it is important to know the warning signs.  Abusers become controlling, not letting their partners be with friends because they want them all to themselves.  Bruises and frequent injuries are another warning sign of physical dating violence.  Asking for help is the first step to getting away from the problem.  Do not keep your concerns about your relationship or someone else’s to yourself.  Ask yourself, “Where can I go for help?  Who can I call?  How will I escape a violent situation?”  And talk to someone you trust.  Tell a parent, a teacher, a principal tell a friend. If only healing from verbal abuse or dating violence was as easy as healing from the damage of sticks and stones.  The scars may remain, but they will fade; the first and most important thing is to speak up.  Only you have the power to make the change.  Don't let others control your life—take care of yourself.

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