It was a dark and dreary night when I happily stumbled upon the Martha Stewart Show. The set was completely decked out in Halloween décor, specifically spiders made out of glow sticks and other crafty things that Martha just keeps churning out. I watched a segment with a child dressed in all white whose stomach was being bandaged around with a feather boa. It was a chicken costume, topped off with chicken feet shoes made out of yellow dishwashing gloves (which cannot be good for walking). “Quack!” said Stewart. It was the most ingenious sight that has ever glowed from my television screen.
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we realize that kitschy, crafty costumes just aren’t making the cut anymore. We no longer can resort to the simple shticks of dressing up as a walking foam Crunch Bar or as the Power Rangers. It’s time for innovation and creativity, regardless of the situation. However, if there is one thing you don’t want to dress up as, it’s yourself. Those who go to a costume party or trick-or-tricking in a sweatshirt and jeans and call it a “disguise” amuse next to no one. Halloween offers itself up for flourishing creativity and you’d be but a foolish ghoul to waste the opportunity. Here are my suggestions that are sure to cast a spell on your audience.

Corrupt Politicians
What’s scarier than a seemingly honest elected public official with an exposed dark side and a compulsion to abuse their power selfishly and shamelessly? Nothing much. That’s what makes this costume both subtle yet effective to those who understand the references. Take the recent incident with governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, whose ghostlike disappearance in June caused a media bedlam. He was later found to have an extramarital love affair with an Argentinean woman, which makes this costume a perfect opportunity for couples to dress up together. Or if you prefer to do things solo, try putting on your best suit and emulating former governor of Illinois Rob Blagojevich’s notorious hairstyle, which is such a significant feature it calls for it’s own Wikipedia section.

Rachel Zoe
Rachel Zoe, the star of the aptly named “The Rachel Zoe Project,” would make a perfect costume for those girls who don’t want to dress up too much out of the ordinary, but still want to make a statement. Zoe is infamous for her skeleton-like frame and her in on the red carpet as a celebrity stylist. It won’t be difficult to emulate Zoe’s glossy bronze face with thick eyeliner, dressed in bohemian flowing dresses and lots of bangles. It makes for a look “as crazy as bananas,” as Zoe would say.

Zombiefied
It’d be hard to be alive through the past year and not notice the prevalence of zombies in today’s culture. For a modern take on a stale and basic zombie, apply the classic zombie attributes to characters in pop culture and history. For example, take the novel “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” as inspiration and dress up as an 18th century English woman with a tattered and bloody dress. Or turn Zombieland star Jesse Eisenberg’s fear into a reality and transform yourself into a zombiefied clown.

Jennifer from “Jennifer’s Body”
Jennifer’s Body, starring Megan Fox, while a huge financial disappointment (it was just severely misunderstood), would make an excellent costume for those who want to share a foxy side without being too cutesy and expected. This costume will prove to be relatively easy to replicate just take a clichéd old formal dress. Next, coat it with blood (and of course I mean the real thing) and slap on a vicious look that announces you’re threateningly aching for man flesh. Also, the ability to levitate will clearly make your costume above the rest.

Kate Gosselin
Kate Gosselin is not someone you would want to mess around with. No one could have guessed that a suburban stay-at-home mom would become so easily whisked away in to the media’s wormhole that takes good intentions, warps it into greed and spits out an image obsessed, mini-skirt wearing and tanning bed loyalist. To achieve the look of this TLC causality, wear your mom’s Sears tops with your denim mini skirt. But clothing can be an afterthought as long as Gosselin’s permanent look of disapproval and infamous hairstyle are impeccably replicated. Remember to leave your house with several copies of Gosselin’s cooking book and a Sharpie for impromptu book signings and press photos.