Dear Diary,

1. Children: Kids do only five things, and they are all annoying: drool, cry, scream, poop, eat. I mean, I do that, but at least I’m funny at the same time.

2. People with Mustangs: You own the cheapest version of a "sports car" in existence. You’re not cool. "Look at me in my 1998 aqua green Mustang with no air-conditioning! At least I’m awesome!"

3. People who drive mini-vans: You do realize that owning a mini-van doesn’t require you to drive in the most frustrating manner possible while also going at least 10 mph under the speed limit.

4. Old people: I understand the fact that nothing is like what it used to be. I always get that you continue to not know how to use cell phones. I really don’t need you to tell me every time I see you.

5. Ke$ha: "The dollar sign is silent." No, Ke$ha, you don’t wake up in the morning feeling like a middle-aged, unsuccessful rapper. You’re ridiculous.

6. People who say "I Pledge of Allegiance" instead of "I Pledge Allegiance": I’m almost positive that you only need a room temperature I.Q. to figure out that The Pledge of Allegiance doesn’t entail that you’re pledging of allegiance. Do you want to know why? BECAUSE THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. You’re pledging allegiance; therefore, it is a pledge OF ALLEGIANCE. Talk about only needing a 4th grade reading level to figure that out.

7. Artsy people: Painting pictures of trees doesn’t make you the greatest person ever. You don’t serve some profound, divine purpose that makes you some transcendental being because you’ve obtained the ability to draw something more complex than a stick figure. No matter what you say, there is no emotional connection to finger painting. "Chinese brush art. SO Art Deco!" (Say this in a cheerleader voice. I know you have one.)

8. People Who Think They’re Intelligent…But Aren’t: Just because you correctly use the word loquacious when you’re speaking doesn’t mean that you’re intelligent.

9. Parents Who Put Their Kids on Leashes: Just kidding…this one’s funny.

10. Small children who have cell phones: Please tell me why you need a cell phone? Do you need to hear the latest news from your toddler friends? Does someone need to tell you that Hannah Montana moved to a new time slot?

13. Guys with massive trucks: You do realize that the more you raise your truck off the ground, the more you look like a fool...

14. People who put their car type on their license plate: Oh really? Do you have a Honda Civic? Good thing your license plate says "civic" because otherwise I would not have known that you do in fact own a Honda Civic. And you and I both know that that’s some imperative information for me to remember.

15. Redheads who wear pink or red: You know those people who wear clothing that matches their hair? It’s really endearing. And attractive. And no, it doesn’t make you look pasty, pale, or albino. Go put on some more flattering clothing and suntan lotion or something.

16. Seniors (except for me): So you try to block as many spaces in the parking lot as possible by parking sideways. But then the administration calls us outside and makes us park normally in the junior parking lot. So, the only thing you accomplished was taking up spaces in your own parking lot....

17. People Who Play Farmville: You do realize that you’re devoting hours of your life to a worthless farm that doesn’t actually exist. I have a personal connection to this one; I’ve lost my mother to the evils of Farmville. I miss you, mom.

18. Junior Alex Howell: She’s a woman. Geez she’s annoying...

19. Last But Not Least: People who just sit around and complain about other people. They think they’re so cool and so perfect. They need to shut up and stop complaining.

20. I really just dislike people in general...