“Breaking Bad” is part of what I like to call my Holy Trinity of Television; shows I consider to be the best ever produced. Along with “Mad Men” and “Rescue Me,” this show has some of the best writing, acting and directing you can find on TV- and better than most movies as well. The third season premiered March 21^st, 2010, and was so awesome it would melt your eyes. It sure melted mine.

But first, a recap. Seasons one and two told the story of Walter White, played by Bryan Cranston, a meek science teacher with a pregnant wife and a son with cerebral palsy who, after discovering he has Stage III lung cancer, and deciding that a teacher’s salary is not enough (as he does not want to leave his family penniless after he passes on) he teams up with a former student Jesse Pinkman, played by Aaron Paul, to MANUFACTURE AND SELL THE MOST POTENT METHAMPETHIMINES KNOWN TO MAN.

The first two seasons are chalk full of so many twists that include dead drug dealers, exploding heads, and acid-burned bodies falling through ceilings. So what could season three have in store for us? It’s widely considered among fans and critics that the third season of “Mad Men” was its best. Will “Breaking Bad” pull the same trick, and produce episodes of quality unparalleled in its first two seasons? This reporter sat down with a note pad and a television tuned into AMC to cover the event.

At this point in my report, I would sure appreciate it if you refferred to photo evidence A, the first page of my notes. I'll wait here while you go check it out...

Are you back yet? What did the notes say? Really now? 

Okay, I know what that means. The opening shots of the episode were beautiful panoramic shots of a desert. And, as the camera panned, you saw people crawling on the ground, which is kind of weird. But then you see the two cartel boys, who lopped off Danny Trejo’s head with a machette and used it to blow up a turtle last season (DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’RE MISSING?!) who get out of their swank ride to crawl with the other villagers. Turns out they’re all crawling to this shack with a big ol’ shrine in it. The cartel boys go in, give their offerings or whatever, then put a picture of “Heisenberg,” the meth-making alias of our hero, mild mannered Walter White.

Opening credits.

Now, if it's not too much of a hassle, would you mind checking out photo evidence B? That's... That's the second page of my notes, you know? So, if you could take a moment... No big rush or anything, it's just what my next paragraph is dependant on.

Well I think this is pretty self-explanatory. He’s been hiding his money you know? His meth money? Anyway he’s been hiding it from his family because he doesn’t want them to know he’s a meth peddler. So he’s sitting at the side of his pool, the same place he was sitting last season when two planes collided overhead due to the chain reaction of Walt’s partner Jesse Pinkman’s girlfriend dying (I would explain this chain to you, but wouldn’t you rather find out for yourself? That’s what I thought). Then, suddenly, Walt gets up, goes to the grill, douses the money he’s been stashing in the grill with lighter fluid, and lights it. Then he changes his mind and tries to put the fire out, thereby catching himself on fire too. Anyway, it all ends up in the pool filled with water, which is surprisingly good for putting out fire.

So, not to bother you again or anything, but guess what? That's what. BWAHAHAA. In all seriousness, though, go ahead and get a load of photo evidence C, my 3rd page of notes.

Okay, this takes us into the third storyline of the episode, where Walt’s wife Skyler is filing for divorce. She has gotten tired of Walt’s constant sneaking around and secret keeping. She believes he’s having an affair, which he isn’t (unless you count his love affair with money, which he needs to make meth for. See how that works?) But anyway the divorce is happening. And the lawyer lady looks a lot like this person I know named Ari, only about ten years older. This note was reminding me to ask Ari if she knows that in the future she becomes a time traveling television actress. But I never did “check.” I decided it would be a much better career for her to fall into naturally, rather than be prophesized to her by a drunken German oaf.
 
Hey, you should check out photo evidence D at this point. It's really swell.

Okay, yeah, there was a commercial break, which isn’t that important, but I’m putting this on strictly because I’m so proud of myself for this “Commercial Break” image idea. Also, there was an advertisement for “Clash of the Titans,” which looks incredibly lame. Like “My Bloody Valentine 3D” meets “Troy” lame. And that is really freaking lame, especially since there’s at least one reason to watch “Troy” and that is the greatest Australian actor to ever live, Eric Bana. What does “Clash of the Titans” have?

A lazy eyed prima donna named Sam Worthington. (Photo evidence E)

Anyway, after the trailer to “Clash of the Titans” got me all riled up, the commercial break went away, and we were back to the action of the “Breaking Bad” season premiere.

And so begins the fourth storyline of the episode: Jesse Pinkman. Walt Whitman’s partner, one time heroin addict, who after his girlfriend’s death has checked in to a rehab clinic. And he’s grieving his girlfriend. That’s all we really see of Jesse for the moment. The scene changes to the school where Walt Whitman works at, and there’s an assembly where everyone’s discussing their feelings on the plane crash. Only, since it’s a high school, it’s pretty much the administrators standing in the gym trying to get the students involved. And Walt Whitman, see, he totes could have saved Jesse Pinkman’s girlfriend when she was dying, and her dying caused the plane crash, so really it’s all his fault and that’s making him feel uncomfortable, especially when the principal lady forces the microphone into his hands and makes him talk. Oh my, how that speech was a blunder!

If you don't mind, I'd sure appreciate it if you went ahead and took a gander at photo evidence F. It sure is great. I am so awesome.

I know I don’t have to tell you every time there’s a commercial break, but I’m quite proud of myself for making that image.

Anyway, when this commercial (with yet another “Clash of the Titans” ad) gets done, we return to our program. Let’s refer to my notes for the next scene.

My next page of notes, or next few pages anyway, are displayed as photo evidence G. I know, I'm really giving you a hard time here with the picture thing, but the notes are detrimental to me writing this article (I don't know what detrimental means).

…Huh. I’m not exactly sure what that means. To tell you the truth, I have that exact phrase written a total of six times. So this could be anything, like maybe when the cartel boys blew up the smuggler’s truck, but I highly doubt that because that doesn’t happen until the very end. On the next page I have written “Bryan Cranston for another Emmy? Yes.” Because Bryan Cranston has already won two Emmys for this program, and I evidently believe he’s going to win a third. No doubt he will, I just wish I had taken better notes so I could tell you why he’s going to win it.

When we return from the third break (notice I refrained from uploading my awesome “Commercial Break” image again?) Jesse Pinkman and Walter White have reunited in the hotel where Walt is living during the divorce process. Jesse’s clean, and Walt recently confessed his business adventures to his wife. Jesse takes up residence with Walt, sleeping on his couch, and tells Walter he accepts that he’s the “bad guy.” I’m still not sure what that will mean for Jesse, only time will tell as the season progresses, but Walt tells Jesse and tells their partner Gus that he’s out of the meth business, going so far as to turn down a three million dollar offer from Gus for three more months of work. Then the cartel boys blow up that truck I was talking about.

So it was a very eventful season premiere for “Breaking Bad,” with more twists than a roller coaster designed by Michael J. Fox. And it appears that the show is evolving; the meth making duo has retired, and there’s bloodthirsty cartel boys on the hunt for them.  We’re bound to be in for a great season.

Oh, and spoiler alert. Sorry, I… I should have warned you earlier. I spoiled that episode all over. It’s so spoiled it’s one of Lindsay Lohan’s friends. Ha-HAA!!

After “Breaking Bad,” the encore presentation of season three of “Mad Men” premiered, and in correlation to my Holy Trinity of Television, “Breaking Bad” might be Jesus, but “Mad Men” is the Lord Our God Almighty. I was so ecstatic that I made a splendid painting, which you can view free of charge as photo evidence H, only on the Rimrock Echo! Let's here a round of applause ladies and gentlemen. For the Rimrock Echo, but mainly for me. For me and my awesome painting. 

Awwwwwwww yeah.