There are two ultimate prescriptions for disaster in high school: getting caught doing [insert your choice of bad thing here] or breaking up with someone. Getting caught doing something wrong is kind of self-explanatory, but breaking up?
Teenagers have as much grace as a drug-addled dog. We’re probably the only generation who finds sending a brief electrical message as a decent way to end a relationship. But that’s okay, because we’re teenagers and you can’t really do that much harm to another person (sort of). But really, what are the best ways to break up with someone?
The most drastic, and the most popular in movies, is to kill them. However, advocating murder as a break-up tactic is frowned upon (and if you think peer harassment after a break-up is bad, imagine the legal implications). So, scratch that idea.
Next, avoid them until they get so frustrated that the relationship simply withers and dies. This is, again, one of the worst ideas ever, especially when you both attend the same school. In a school of 1800 teenagers, you can run but you cannot hide. They will find you. Their friends will find you. The first floor bathroom wall will have your name in big letters. If you do succeed in getting them so annoyed that they break up with you, the hallways will nevertheless crackle with tension whenever you pass one another. So we’ll skip that opinion too.
Third, use the internet or text messaging. Myspace, Facebook, AOL Instant Messenger if you’re really getting down on options. This is extremely mean and a little pointless, since they might be assuming you’re just kidding and then hunt you down so you have to resort to option four: break up in person.
How much the relationship sucked measures how nasty you can be. If he was clingy, obsessive, three-steps-away-from-stalking you, and a general creep, physical abuse may be very tempting but is not the best plan. Just be mean; if you’re generally a sweetheart, see the box.
However, if it was generally a good relationship but you’re just bored, she’s not as funny as she was, or the chemistry between you has totally evaporated, may I suggest gentler tactics. Instead of “You’ve become the most repulsive slug on the planet”, try “You know, this just really isn’t working out,” or (because lying is perfectly okay), “I think we need to break up; I’m just too busy and stressed out over other things.” This (hopefully) gives the message of “I don’t want to date you, leave me alone”.
However, sometimes they refuse to believe it, at which point see option four’s suggested lines. And, worst case scenario, they may want to “just be friends” and you, being the wonderful person you are, feel too bad to say no. A few people may disagree with me, but in general, SAY NO! This is bad! Very bad! As in Sinking-Of-The-Titanic bad! This rarely works, since you were the one who broke the relationship, which means they may still have feelings. This may hurt them; they may be an awful friend; they may still be sitting in your bushes with binoculars. Cut it off and give it up. Not that you can’t be polite or occasionally chatty, but in general, ending a relationship should be just that. The end.