Well, it’s official, the honeymoon’s over. Michael Phelps is no longer America’s sweetheart. Endangering himself and others by driving drunk, that we can forgive. Objectifying women by having his hands all over --ahem-- exotic dancers at a strip club, we can look the other way. But when the face of American international sports, and arguably the greatest Olympian of all time, partakes in the smoking of the horrible, inexcusable, morality-corrupting plant known as marijuana, that is where we draw the line.

Let’s look at the fallout from the now infamous British tabloid photo of Michael Phelps with his lips firmly placed on the opening of a water pipe known to criminal burnout junkie potheads as a bong. Soon after, millions of kids, some as young as 5 years old, most of whom had never even set eyes on the seductress known as Mary Jane, rushed to their nearest street corner dealer to buy some pot and sell away their futures. Keep in mind, this is the first time any public figure, let alone a world-class athlete, has been connected with any illegal activity, especially something as horrible as the nefarious reefer. Michael Phelps should burn in hell for how irresponsible he was. Three months suspension isn’t nearly enough time for him to learn the error of his ways; we implore you to keep in mind that smoking pot isn’t a personal choice; it destroys the user, his family, and everyone with whom he comes in contact, like leprosy. That’s why we suggest quarantining the 42% of Americans that admitted to trying pot in a survey published in a journal of the Public Library of Science. If it had not been for Phelps’ despicable actions, our nation’s youth could have been shielded from the deceitful allure of the Devil’s Herb until the American School system could have told them the truth. But now the cat’s out of the dime bag. Thanks a lot, Michael Phelps, you antichrist. Because of your reefer madness, America will never be the innocent nation it once was.