Bruised face, busted lip, scratches, and scars. After famous R&B singer Chris Brown allegedly physically abused his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, in February, it became the talk of young people. He was 19, she was 20. Everyone still seems to be asking the question: “Why did Rihanna take him back?” A survey of 200 Boston young people, ages 12 to 19, taken by the Boston Public Health Commission right after the incident – but before the horrific details came out – found that 46 percent of the youth said Rihanna was responsible for what happened.

Whether Rihanna reunited with Brown or not, the fact is domestic violence is more complicated than you think. Victims take back their abusers for many reasons, experts say, including love, fear, hope, and financial security. However, according to Aimee Thompson, executive director of Close to Home (http://www.c2home.org/), a Dorchester-based domestic violence prevention group,“Everyone always asks the common question ‘Why does she take him back?’ but what we should be asking is ‘Why doesn’t...the abuser stop?’ ”

A 2007 Close to Home survey of 217 BPS high schoolers revealed that one in four of those youths said they’d been in an abusive dating relationship. Teens in Print interviewed three local women who said they’d been victims of domestic abuse as teens. All preferred to remain anonymous to protect their identities.

One woman, now 22, believes she became a victim of domestic violence due to not having a healthy relationship with her father while growing up. “Not having that love from my father played a big role with the guys I chose to be with later on,” she says.

When she was 17, she became involved in an intimate relationship. “Everything was good at first,” she says. But after a month of dating, the relationship took a negative turn. Her boyfriend would degrade her. At 19, she became involved in another relationship. He, too, abused her: physically, verbally, and emotionally. “He would say things like ‘You’re so fat no one’s ever going to want you,’ ” she says. “He would steal my credit cards and my car, but for some reason I would blame myself for his actions.”

According to Thompson, “Early signs that lead up to domestic violence include put-downs, name calling, and checkups.”

The 22-year-old’s boyfriend left her 100 voicemails, hit her, and even pulled a knife on her, she says. After a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, she reached the breaking point. “Something came over me,” she says. “I started realizing, ‘I have to be worth more than this, I’m better than this.’” She went to counseling. But after six months, she quit. “I stopped going because I got scared of facing the truth and reality of what I had been through,” says the 22-year-old, who has since returned to counseling.

Domestic violence can stem from the home. “Not everyone who grows up witnessing domestic violence will turn out to be an abuser later in life, but sometimes people tend to mimic their parent’s behavior,” says Keisha Ormond, coordinator for the Community Advocacy Program, a domestic-violence prevention agency in Roxbury.

One woman, now 24, says that as a child growing up in Barbados she witnessed her mother being abused by her father. Before she was born, she says, the abuse had begun. “I began to develop a lot of guilt when it comes to this situation, even to this day,” she says. She says she and her mother never talked about it. And in Barbados, she says, there were limited resources, including shelters, for battered women. “That made it even harder for my mother to leave,” she says. “She needed to do what she had to do to provide for me.” After 16 years of abuse, her mother was finally able to escape with the support of her best friend, as well as the strength of her daughter.

Leaving an abusive relationship is harder than you think. According to Liz Meffen, of Casa Myrna Vazquez, a Boston domestic violence prevention organization (http://www.casamyrna.org/), “It takes up to seven times to leave an abusive relationship.”

A 16-year-old girl from the South End says she is still trapped in a home of domestic violence. “All of my life, I’ve witnessed domestic violence,” she says. The abuse happens when her father gets drunk, she says. Not only do she and her siblings have to witness her mother being abused, she says, but the children are abused as well. “What keeps me going is my little sisters, because my parents are not the best parents, so I put myself in a position to be the parent,” she says.

Ormond says: “I use three words to describe why victims go back or stay with their abusers: hope, fear, and love.”

Once the bruises are healed and the blood is washed away, victims still face a lot after finally leaving their abusers. “Domestic violence is not a one, two process,” says Daniel Fairclough, a youth team leader at Close to Home. “It’s complicated.”

After making the final decision to leave, the process does not end for the victim. At Casa Myrna Vazquez, victims go through what is called safety planning if they think they are finally ready to get out of the abuse. “The most dangerous time for a victim who is in an abusive relationship is when they are about to leave,” says Meffen. Victims must fit everything they will need in one bag, including all their important paper work, such as social security cards, insurance papers, and birth certificates. Then, they have to find a safe place to stay. “It’s not the abuser who has to leave or start over,” says Heather Benjamin, youth program coordinator at Close to Home. “It’s the victim.”

So what’s the solution? Programs like Close to Home and Casa Myrna Vazquez can help decrease domestic violence by aiding victims and educating communities. “If people were more informed on what a healthy and unhealthy relationship is they will have the knowledge and know the difference to make healthy choices,” Ormond says.

As the Chris Brown/Rihanna case showed, not everyone knows the basics. Advocates say a healthy relationship involves loving yourself; respecting your partner’s right to be himself or herself; having a life outside the relationship with your own set of friends and activities; and making decisions together. 

She said/she said

The Chris Brown/Rihanna abuse episode remains the talk of the youth world. Teens in Print hit the streets of Downtown Crossing to find out from young women what they would do if they were in Rihanna’s shoes. “If you were Rihanna,” we asked, “would you take Chris Brown back?” The answers came back loud and clear!

If you abused her once, you’ll probably do it again.”
Nathea Allen, 15, Hyde Park

“No, because he beat me up.”
Jennifer Resto, 16, Dorchester

“No, I would not, because if he put his hands on me the first time, then I know he would do it the second time, so I wouldn’t take him back.”
Teirra Anderson, 14, Dorchester

"No, because you don’t put your hands on any woman. It’s disrespectful.”
Shani Freeman, 15, East Boston

No, because you don’t put your hands on a woman, and if he does it once, he’ll do it again.”
Rikeira Hinds, 14, Jamaica Plain