A third grader sits on her hospital bed, leaning to the right because she is afraid that if she leans too far to the left, she will pull on the tube that feeds a liquid meal to the stomach she has starved for weeks. It seems insane, but it is completely true. She is anorexic. That was me in March of 2000.

            Anorexia normally begins because of an intense fear of gaining weight. This fear is not like getting ready for prom and drinking only cranberry juice to lose a few pounds. This fear makes people look in the mirror and see obesity, when everybody around them sees how emaciated they are.

Anorexia can also be a result of depression and anxiety. People may become stressed and think everything in their life is out of control. Deciding whether or not to eat gives anorexics a sense of the control they feel they lack. The fact is that they are not in control because they face the dangers associated with anorexia nervosa.

            Another cause of anorexia could be the stress of jobs or hobbies that emphasize body shape, like gymnastics, dancing, and modeling. These stress one’s physical appearance, but not the healthy route to a preferred body shape. Growing up in a family with a history of obesity can also lead to anorexia. This is because it can intensify the fear of gaining weight. The person sees everyone around them as overweight, which is exactly what they do not want to be.

            People who are anorexic need help right away. They need to learn to see themselves as beautiful and perfect the way they are. If too much time is wasted, they may need rehabilitation therapy to help overcome their fear of gaining weight.

If anorexia is not caught and treated, it can lead to bone deterioration, kidney damage, muscle weakness, heart problems, and even death. Right before my mom took me to the hospital, she tried to convince me anorexia was a death sentence. I remember lying on her bed, crying, because she told me that I was going to get so thin the wind would blow me away. Although that was an exaggeration, anorexia affects all the vital functions of the body. By starving the stomach of food, anorexic people also starve their brain, heart, lungs, bones, and other important, life-sustaining organs and systems.

            I spent a week in that hospital. I still lay on my right side when I sleep. I still have the stuffed dog my mom gave me for eating ice cream, the only thing she could get me to eat. I still cringe when something touches my nose. I will never forget being afraid to touch my face. I will never forget how the smell of bread made my stomach growl again. Those days in the hospital and each day leading up to them will be forever etched in my brain. Even though there are some days when I stare at my food and think about how I do not want to eat it because it could go straight to my thighs or stomach, I always remember those days with tape holding the tube in my nose and watching Barney because the constipated two-year-old next to me had the remote. I can never stop eating again because I cannot imagine going through the pain of wondering how I could hide skipping my next meal and then the pain of my parents forcing medical help on me to save my life.

            Something as small as skipping a meal can lead to life changing events. No one should want to be the kid in the hospital bed getting fed through a tube. When I do not want to gain another drop of weight, I turn to my friends and family. They make me see that I am perfect the way I am. They help me know I am loved. They keep me from starving myself, and without them I can honestly say I might have been blown away by the wind.