As I thumbed through the pages of last month’s issue of the Flash, I was mortified to find the picture of a repulsive infant placed in my section without my knowledge, passed off as a photo of a young Robert Waddell. I was outraged that someone would attempt to deface my reputation in such a way. That’s right, I was sincerely outraged.

Now at first I was going to let it go and be mature about it, but when I was asked by numerous students, “Was that a baby picture of you in the newspaper?” I always replied back, “Of course not, someone just put that in there as a joke,” but apparently somewhere along the line I got a reputation as a liar, so I would always receive the reply of, “Yeah, sure.” Even through this ridicule I still planned to stay quiet, but after many long sleepless nights of personal struggle I realized that something must be said.

Now if I had mediocre looks as a child, I would probably have had an easier time letting this injustice go, but I will be the first to admit that I was quite a striking child (My mother will corroborate this statement). I had curly brown locks and the smile of a Crest kid. This random baby shared none of these attributes with me. Its hands were clenched in sloth-like claws and its face was bright red, as though it were screaming out in what I could only imagine was a homely tone of voice.

I’ve included a few darling photos of myself to show you what a dashing young gent (as well as a former child model) I truly was. Now those of you who mistakenly believed that I was a homely child can see with your own eyes what a young sensual entity I once was…..