In June 2006, former Granite Bay High School student Stephanie Bagan waited with hundreds of her classmates in anticipation.

Her hair was done. Her makeup was flawless. She smoothed the edges of her gown as she sat.

She waited for her cue, stood up and marched ceremoniously down the aisles of chairs to take her place by the stage. Her name is called and the eyes of gathered friends and family turn to watch to the senior girl confidently cross the stage and accept her diploma.

Facing the future with a smile, she could have never guessed little more than two years later would find her in a similar situation – only this time when she walked down the aisle, she would be wearing white.

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According to a report released on Feb. 19 by the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, 82 percent of young adults between the ages of 18 and 30 plan to get married and stay married for life.

This statistic, when contrasted with the current estimate of 40 percent of first-marriages that end in divorce, has led researchers to conclude that teens lack the necessary skills and knowledge to sustain lasting relationships.

Their solution? Education.

The Dibble Institute for Healthy Marriage is an organization dedicated to just that. According to its Web site – Dibblefund.org – the nonprofit develops curricula used across the country in “classroom, church, community, agency and youth group settings” in order to “teach students the skills and knowledge that are central to building and maintaining healthy romances and, eventually, marriages.”

Executive director Kay Reed said informing teens of what it takes to have a strong relationship often serves to decrease the number who jump into marriage too quickly.

“What often happens when young people take our classes (is) they end up saying… ‘someday I want to be married, but gosh, it’s complicated and it’s kind of hard, and I think I’ll wait. I think I’ll grow up a little bit,’” she said.

Studies have shown divorce rates are significantly higher among those who get married at a young age.

An often-cited marriage study published in 2001 by the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention found that in 1995, 48 percent of marriages between those under the age 18 ended in divorce within 10 years. That rate dropped to 24 percent among those married after age 25.

“Often when people get married young, they’re making decisions in haste, and not really  etting to know someone, without really understanding themselves,” Reed said. “(Their) knowledge base is not where it would be later on.”

Stephanie James (formerly Stephanie Bagan) was married Aug. 2, at age 20.

“I never planned on getting married during college,” James said. “But once I met my husband I knew that we were supposed to be together. I didn’t find a point in waiting.”

After dating for a year and four months, she and her husband approached the situation with prayer and consideration before deciding to become engaged. Four months after that, they were married.

According to Carolyn Curtis, executive director of the Healthy Marriage Project based in Sacramento, experts recommend that a couple date for two years prior to marriage. This period of time is important for getting to know a potential spouse, and what to expect after marriage, she said.

Waiting also has scientific advantages, Reed noted. For the first six months of a relationship, she said, the neuro-chemical components of attraction dominate the brain, impeding rational thought.

“We shouldn’t diminish the infatuation, the crush, the falling head over our heels – all of those are great, but we aren’t rational during those times,” she said.

According to Granite Bay marriage and family therapist David Chervick, teenagers are especially vulnerable to impulsiveness, as they are still developing the neo-cortex of the brain. The neo-cortex acts as a “brake pad” and allows for the abstract thinking involved in planning for the distant future.

In fact, the human brain is not fully developed until a person is 25 years old, Curtis said. This poses another problem to those looking to marry early.

“So the person that you may be marrying may be very different just a few years down the road, that’s one of the major hurdles for someone who is getting married so young,” she said.

The reverse is also true, Curtis noted. Those who look to marry too young can disrupt their developmental cycle, skipping ahead of important periods of self-discovery and growth.

“If you don’t figure out who you are and then you get married, it can be a lot harder because you are not necessarily going to marry someone who fits who you are,” she said.
Reed also stressed the importance of taking the time to develop a relationship before marriage – a common problem among marriages of all ages, she said.

“If you aren’t really friends with your spouse, then that’s a really hard relationship to sustain over time,” she said.

James agrees. While some found her relationship with her husband too hasty, she said she doesn’t regret her decision.

“People weren’t very supportive of (our marriage), because the stereotypical thing is that you go to school and have your career, and then you get married,” James said. “But I’m really glad because I can now experience all that same stuff, just with my husband. It’s like doing everything with your best friend.”

Yet, while she manages to balance her roles as a student and a wife rather easily, she also noted that not all aspects of marriage as straightforward.

“It’s hard being married because it’s a different dynamic, you have to learn to really be selfless,” James said. “You don’t really realize it, but once you get married, you realize how selfish you are. But being married, it’s not about that. If you only think about yourself, you’re going to end up having an unhealthy marriage.”

Unhealthy marriage behaviors such as this often stem from over arching misconceptions surrounding the institution, Curtis explained.

“We have such an idealized view of marriage, and about how it’s going to solve the problems of who we are,” she said. “We think that (by) getting married or having this relationship that all of these problems will magically go away, and the sad thing is that you wake up and all those problems are still there – they haven’t gone away.”

Battling misconceptions has become a large focus of many of the public and youth education campaigns, such as the NHMRC, The Dibble Institute and the Healthy Marriage Project.

In addition, Chervick highly advocates pre-marital counseling as a way for couples to prepare for the challenges of marriage.

“Premarital counseling is one of the most important and helpful tools to let couples know realistically what’s in front of them when they’re thinking about joining lives, having a family in the future and having a life together,” he said.

Like The Dibble Institute, the Healthy Marriage Project is dedicated to fostering the skills necessary to maintain strong relationships.

They, too, work with community and faith-based organizations, offering classes geared toward different needs, from high schoolers up to married couples with children around the Sacramento area.

According to the organization’s Web site, Sacmarriage.org, the Sacramento region has a divorce rate higher than the national average, and a marriage rate lower than the national average.

Sacramento is also ranked seventh in California for number of single female heads of household.

This is a significant trend in teenage marriages especially, Curtis said.

“I don’t think many young people today are actually getting married,” she said. “I still believe that we have a huge teenage pregnancy problem and that is a huge issue, but I’m finding that very few of them are actually getting married.”

In fact, the national marriage age has been steadily increasing.

According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, the median marriage age among women was as low as 20.1 in the 1950s. Since then the numbers have risen considerably, up to age 25.5 for women and 27.5 for men, a 2006 study conducted by the Brookings Institution reports.

Many experts link the decline in young marriages to the increasing number of cases of cohabitation before marriage.

According to a report by the Department of Health and Human Services, between the years 1960 and 2004, the number of unmarried couples living together increased from less than 500,000 to more than five million.

“Pathways to Adulthood and Marriage: Teenagers’ Attitudes, Expectations and Relationship Patterns,” a report from last October for the Department of Health and Human Services, cites a survey of American high school seniors.

The report indicates that in recent years, as the proportion of students who want to delay marriage for at least five years grew (from 27 percent in the 1970s to 47 percent in 2006), the proportion who think it is a good idea for couples to live together before marriage also increased (from 40 percent in the 1970s to 64 percent in 2006).

Although many youth expressed the belief that cohabitation would improve their chances for a successful marriage, the report notes that, in fact, divorce rates are higher among those who live together before marriage.

In James’ case, both she and her husband were opposed to living together before they were married, because of their Christian faith, she said.

This, she said, is the most fun part of married life, which she describes as “like having a sleepover every night.”

“Truly, my husband is like my best friend,” she said. “You know when you’re dating someone and you never want to be apart or away from them? We didn’t want to live together before we were married, so it was nice to be married and now we can be together all the time.”

According to Curtis, having a plan and goals in life can be a valuable tool for teenagers to keep their relationships in the right perspective.

She advises teens to “lay out (their) dreams and put (them) into writing, so that (they) will know where (they) are going and what (they) want to do in a relationship,” then ask themselves “what needs to happen… to have the success (they) are hoping to create (and) at what time will marriage best fit with this dream?”

James, who is currently attending San Diego State University, looks forward to continuing to participate as a pole vaulter in the track and field team following the birth of her daughter in May.

After graduating, she hopes to earn the necessary credentials to become a dance teacher, thanks to the inspiration of her favorite high school teacher, Desiree Milburn.
Overall, Curtis emphasizes the importance for teens to focus themselves on determining who they are and what they want.

Reed agreed, adding that adolescence should be a time focused on learning.

“Teenagehood is a really great time to date, to really get to know people, to understand what’s important to you, to learn about yourself, all that kind of stuff,” Reed said. “It’s a great time for that, and for learning about romance (and) for practicing communication skills. But waiting to be married until you’re in your 20s is a good idea."