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Tuesday, May 01, 2012 By Jared Hughes
Advertising
I demand that El Modena High School
initiate the Walking Police. Traffic on campus is comparable to that
of the 55 South at 4:30 on a Friday. The Walking Police would no
doubt increase the traffic flow of our campus and make the rush to
class after using the restroom during a passing period much easier.
The responsibilities of the Walking
Police would be simply to enforce the multiple traffic laws of the
school hallways. However, before the W.P can be released on the
unsuspecting students, we must make numerous preparations so as to
make the school hallways as similar to a freeway as possible. The
most important of these preparations would be to paint lanes on the
sidewalks and hallways.
The following are (should be) the
Walking Laws of El Modena High School:
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The
breezeway will be a 4 lane common speed walkway (2 lanes going each
direction). The walkway in front of the office, closest to the
parking lot will be a 2 lane speed road, much like a freeway.
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Students
must walk on the correct side of the hallway and in the designated
lanes.
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Students
may NOT impede traffic with pointless hugs or conversations during
passing periods.
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No
more than two students may walk next to each other in a lane.
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Students
may NOT walk slower than the designated speed.
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When
seeking to merge into traffic, either from one’s locker or a
conjoining hallway, one must signal, wait for a break in traffic,
and then cleanly and politely merge.
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Texting
while walking is prohibited.
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Drinking
while walking is prohibited.
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Eating
while walking is prohibited.
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Walking
while intoxicated is prohibited.
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Students
under
the age of eight or shorter than 4’9” must walk in a car seat or
booster seat.
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No
walking without identification (I.D Card).
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The
only two legal substances that may fall from a moving pedestrian are
water and chicken feathers.
Failure
to obey any of these laws may result in a Detention or Saturday
School ticket from the Walking Police.
Students
of El Modena who are fed up with being stuck behind slow students who
walk in a line of five, across the whole breezeway, rise up and
demand, as I have, the Walking Police.
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