If it was called Sisterhood of the Traveling Leggings, no one would have seen that movie. Pants are not only magical but functional for covering up your donk...and other things.

Once upon a time, a few size negative-five socialites lost their jeans at the club and decided leggings were a suitable substitute for everyday wear. Then this abomination trickled down to the mindless masses and here we are, stuck with your junk hanging out of your trunk.

Leggings offer absolutely no support, so if you’re not toned to the tee, everyone can tell. And trust us, it’s only painful for those around you. You know that squirmy, I-feel-awkward-for-you feeling when someone is making a fool of themselves on stage? That’s the same feeling we all get when your camel-toe has left the desert and joined Blake High School.

There’s also the unappetizing opposite—when the leggings have been dragged down a little and awkwardly stretch every step you take up the stairs. Unless you’re Heidi Klum, no one unfortunate enough to be a few steps below you, with your derriere all up in their face, thinks it’s cute.

So here is a good list of Things Leggings Don’t Match: t-shirts that don’t cover your butt, hoodies that don’t cover your butt, "dresses" that don’t cover your butt, North Face fleeces that don’t cover your butt. Get it? Just because tabloid regular Lindsay Lohan lacks can-coverage doesn’t mean that you should, too.

When you do decide to rock the trend, go for dresses or longer tunics on the top and, when in doubt, black, opaque leggings down below. Whatever magazine told you metallic leggings work was only referring to Lady Gaga or your Tin Man Halloween costume. And leather leggings belong on a pole.

If you are, in any way, hanging out, bulging out, busting out, or muffin-topping out, please wear pants. Women did not fight for centuries to wear the same trousers as men only to relinquish the comfort and function of pants now. Do not think just because it’s the new look for the season that it’s for you. Find what flatters you — not that six-foot model on the pages of Vogue — because we all know fashion trends are fleeting.