The three B’s of underwater hockey: butt cracks, bellies and back hair you could make a carpet out of. To my never-ending horror, I witnessed what was a thread away from nude underwater hockey players while lifeguarding for the “Tough on the Body” tournament at the Mt. Pleasant Recreation Center.

Now, when I say the view was not pretty, I do not mean the pool was dirty or algae was breeding up a storm, but the mass of men and women of all ages and levels of fitness wearing just enough to cover things up. There was no modesty; men would walk around with Speedos four sizes too small or just completely see-through. Hair on people’s backs would sway in the water as they floated by.

Underwater hockey is played with six people on a team with a goal of getting a three-pound puck through the net with a foot-long stick. When watching from above, this game looks more like 12 sharks chasing after a single minnow.

As uncomfortable as my surroundings were, things got weirder. On my break from lifeguarding, I decided to read in the guard office, but unfortunately there was no heater to keep it warm. The night before, the pool held a special event and featured a giant starfish outfit and my eyes caught its warm, fuzzy appearance.

Deciding no one will see me in it, I put the heavy outfit on and lay down on the couch to warm up and read. Go figure, three years of lifeguarding and NOW, while I am sitting on a sofa wearing a starfish costume, reading a book with headphones on, we have an emergency. A man barged into the lifeguard room and took a look at me and tried to decide if there was actually someone in the ridiculous outfit. I looked up at him and the only thing he could say was, “WOW.”

I got up and half ran, half stripped out of the costume to get to the scene where I found a young woman with her neck braced by the manager. I helped out as much as I could and waited for the EMS to arrive to take the woman away. The woman had bumped heads with a larger man and felt a crunch in her first cervical vertebrae. After she was hauled out of the water by her teammates, the lifeguard on duty had activated the emergency action plan. After the woman had been taken away in an ambulance, the tournament started where it had left off as if nothing had happened. I was worried I was going to get fired… or worse, but fortunately we had acted fast and the incident went smoothly.

In memory of the starfish outfit situation, the employees had propped it inside the guard room to remind us that an emergency can happen anytime. I know now that even when your guard is down, you need to be prepared for an accident.