In an absolutely shocking turn of events, Port Angeles High School has had the honor of winning a $1.4 million dollar grant in order to purchase equipment to better suit the needs of students in the classroom.
In order to ‘further education’, lucky students here at PAHS will no longer have to worry about computers crashing and their work being lost, or being unable to access websites because they are blocked by Websense, because administrators here at PAHS have (as expected) already begun to put the money to good use.
Next week, computers in the library will be loaded into moving trucks and shipped to less fortunate children in Africa, while our facilities will be outfitted with new reading lamps and parchment paper. That’s right, you heard it here first, all assignments will now be handwritten, because as an administrator said earlier in the week “…it, like, builds character and stuff”.
Also, the school has purchased a $1.3 million dollar cell phone jammer, to block signals to students in school. “I think we put the money to use good”, said an anonymous employee of the school district, “everyone knows those darn kids just spend too much time with technology. I’m sure employers will love recent graduates who don’t know how to type on Microsoft Word, because paper is better for that kind of work stuff anyways.”