The Dangers of Zombie Science How Researches Could Create a Zombie Infestation [ArticleImageHyperLink] Tuesday, May 22, 2012 By Clara Nelson and Autumn Ruddick Advertising After many discussions about possible ways to survive a zombie outbreak, we students at the Timberline realized that we didn’t even know how zombies could begin springing to life around the globe. To solve this conundrum we faced, we jumped straight on our fancy computers and went to the most reliable zombiefied source on the Internet, short of Wikipedia that is. Straight from Cracked.com, here are the two most likely ways that zombie infestation could begin: Nanobots Believe it or not, scientists have already discovered how to reanimate a person after death. By fusing a tiny nano-chip to a virus, researchers have essentially created a zombie that can live up to a month after the death of the host. In addition to the horrors scientists already have the ability to create nanobots that they can implant into someone’s brain that will rewire damaged neural connections; this technology is a mere ten years down the road. Can you imagine if something went wrong in there? Imagine self-replicating nanobots messing with your cortex, and essentially eliminating the problem-solving, morally dominated portion of your brain. While you’ll still have basic motor function, all of the things that make you, YOU – the part of your brain that aids in making good and bad decision – will be gone. Cross your fingers, and hope that these little nanobots don’t have any glitches, because those tiny robots could make the difference between living a long and happy life, or being slaughtered in 2022. Neurogenesis A bunch of people hate stem-cell research. Some say that it’s unethical, and some say it’s dangerous. Regardless of your thoughts on the matter, through certain unfortunate events it is possible that stem-cells could cause a zombie outbreak. As of right now, scientists and modern medicine have the capability to save you from nearly everything except for brain damage. Brains are complicated – they aren’t an easy fix – but with more stem-cell research, scientists may soon be able to re-grow dead brain tissue. Unfortunately, this ‘reanimation research’ has shown that sometimes, this type of stem-cell use causes the brain to slowly die off from the outside in. Similar to messed-up nanobots, this would cause the cortex to be eliminated before basic motor and survival skill are damaged. Basically, this would allow anybody affected by this ailment to mindlessly wander around with no sense of morals. This could cause some problems, right? Get out your shotguns, people, because this unfortunate neurogenesis situation could cause the zombie apocalypse we’ve all been waiting for. Educate Yourself Though some may feel helpless in the face of a zombie invasion, fear not, PAHS students. Luckily for you, the Timberline staff would really like the majority of our student audience to survive a zombie attack, so we have compiled a short list of films through which you can prepare yourself for the mental and physical strain that is eminent during a time of invasion. Kids, ask your parents before you watch these movies. Preparing for a zombie invasion is one thing, but if you keep waking everybody in your house up because you’re having night terrors, you aren’t going to be very prepared. Know your limit. Zombie Legends (Source Wikipedia) Haiti: Popular folklore from Haiti is pretty compelling evidence towards the existance of zombies. A woman observed by researcher Zora Neale Hurston, was seen wandering around the village, that was soon identified as a woman who had died and been buried over 30 years ago. Several decades later, an ethnobotanist named Wade Davis wrote two books that argued towards the existance of zombies. According to Davis, a living person can easily be turned into a walking zombie if two powders, ‘Coup de Poudre” and “Tetrodotoxin” are introduced into a person’s bloodstream via a wound. West Africa: Zombies can be revived and live with no will of their own if revived by a Bokor, or sorcerer. According to Vodou legend, to kill a zombie, you can feed it salt and it will quickly collapse and perish. South Africa: According to some South African cultures, it is rumoured that a dead person can be reanimarted as a zombie by a small child or a witch.

Back to the articles list