Grief is defined as a “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.” This suffering is considered a process known as “the five stages of grief” or the “Kübler-Ross model.” The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. According to Kübler, the model doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone, but everyone does experience at least two of the steps.

Denial is the initial reaction to a tragic or upsetting event. This is when a person believes he or she is perfectly fine or denies the occurrence of the event in the first place. It usually directly precedes or succeeds anger.

Kübler noted that bargaining is mainly prevalent in terminally ill patients. Bargaining involves making deals in your mind, such as, “If I get to live, I will stop fighting with my family” or “I’ll do anything to live longer.” You wager back and forth with yourself in order to feel some sort of compensation for the trouble you are experiencing, even though you are not actually creating a substantial argument that could change your outcome.

Anger is the “it’s not fair” aspect of the grieving process. Some people may think things such as “I’m a good person, and I’m extremely ticked that this is happening to me right now” or some other variation of “why me?” Anger can also involve yelling, screaming, misplaced anger, and physical violence. If you are grieving and find yourself in a state of anger, remember you can avoid physical violence toward other people by doing things like screaming into a pillow or going for a run.

The longest portion of the grieving process is depression. This is the point when you feel like giving up on everything. Motivation is sparse, and you may develop a sense of emotional paralysis. You fulfill your basic needs, but you have little communication with the people you normally surround yourself with. This is the longest stage of grief because it takes little effort to remain in.

Acceptance comes when you’ve gained back the energy to make an effort at being happy again. Acceptance develops over an extended period of time, and eventually you have learned how to live your life without denying the event, bargaining for a different outcome, getting mad at fate, or ignoring your emotions.

Though the five steps of grief are most widely acknowledged when a death occurs, there are other types of grief that follow the same stages as the most common form. For example, say you failed an incredibly important test. First, you’d probably be really angry, or maybe you’d deny that you did that poorly and perhaps your teacher is just playing a trick on you. Then, you may bargain (out loud, with the actual possibility that the outcome could change) with your teacher, asking him or her to retake the test or understand your reasoning for certain answers. After finding you cannot alter your grade by much if any, you become depressed. You think, “I’ll never get into college with this grade, so I guess I’ll just stop trying.” And then you realize it’s one test, life goes on, and you accept it. You even try to do better on the next one.

In a nutshell, we go through the stages of grief everyday, although we don’t give it a technical name every time. Grief is difficult, but it’s completely common, so if you ever find yourself in a vicious cycle of grief, remember that acceptance is always waiting for you at the end.