10. A hat: All those people are laughing with you, I swear.

9. A musical instrument: Take a pair of slightly wet shoes, and a tile floor, and you’ve got aural bliss on par with Yoko Ono.

8. Wallet: Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never stuffed cash in your shoe, for the lack of a better place to put it. Can’t do it, can you?

7. Habitation for small rodents; just not while wearing the shoe.

6. Remote control: If thrown accurately enough, a shoe will not only remotely control the television, but also the microwave, the washing machine, and the cat.

5. Heat the shoes up to melt the rubber soles, and use this adhesion to stick a large amount of shoes together, and build a fort.

4. A soup bowl: All that dried foot-sweat is merely adding flavor.

3. Nunchucks: Tie the shoe strings together, and you’ve got a weapon Bruce Lee would have dreamed of having—if Bruce Lee didn’t have the money for actual nunchucks.

2. Alarm clock: It’s time to wake up, but a stubborn sibling just won’t come back from Sleepyland? Well, this technique will knock them off of Cloud Nine, and onto Cloud Shoe-Inflicted-Bruise.

1. Puppets: Show your creative side, here. Get some paints, glitter, Popsicle sticks, and go away to a far-away fantasyland where all the kings, princesses, dragons and wizards have a Nike Swoosh on their side.