Have you ever stood in Powell’s Books or Pioneer Courthouse Square and wondered where you would be standing at that moment if you were just 9000 miles to the east? No? Well, too bad.

Every fall the Portland Institute of Contemporary Arts (PICA) hosts the Time-Based Art (TBA) Festival, an 11-day medley of dance, music, new media and contemporary art. Among the roster for this year’s events was a tour of Tilburg, Holland. The catch? The tour takes place in Portland.

Khris Soden, director of this excursion (and Holland enthusiast), superimposed a map of Tilburg over a map of Portland using a combination of Photoshop, InDesign, and Acrobat. It was using this map that he conducted his tour, pointing out the features of one city when in reality walking through the streets of another.

The tour kicked off at Powell’s City of Books on Burnside, which Soden assured us was actually Tilburg’s Central Train Station. He introduced us to the concept of the tour, and told us stories of Tilburg’s past and present as we found our way to our next destination.

It is disconcertingly refreshing to be a tourist in one’s own city, and as we quickly moved through the streets of downtown that is exactly how it felt. Soden’s tour-giving skills were commendable (he commented that he is great at walking backwards; it’s when he tries to walk forwards that there’s a problem), and his timing impeccable. For example, he talked about Tilburg’s history in the textile industry right as we were passing Ricochets clothing store.

We then moved past 11th and Morrison, where an old parking garage column was transformed into a Tilburg park, and Central Library revealed to be famous Dutch record store Sounds, where bands perform in the aisles and among the CDs.

No matter how many familiar landmarks we passed, Soden never broke character. Who needs airplanes when you have a tour guide who actually seems to believe you’re in Holland?

Passing the Tilburg Subway System (Pioneer Tower), countless statues, a McDonalds (Nordstrom’s Rack), and a shopping center (Pioneer Square), we found that we had walked the 9000 miles to the Netherlands. Moving in a throng of 40 native Portlanders, a group of loitering teenagers gave us that dirty look that locals reserve especially for tourists. It was fantastic.

Anyone want to buy me a ticket to the Netherlands?