Cinco de Mayo, May 4 - 7, Tom McCall Waterfront park: If you can stand the hordes of drunk but happy partiers and mariachi bands, Cinco de Mayo can be fun. Tips for success: stick to the kiddie rides if you’ve had too much soft-serve and hot dogs, don’t waste quarters on those lame games where you can win a fish, and carry pepper spray. Good times celebrating the independence of Mexico!

Free Cone Day, April 25, Ben and Jerry’s: Hey, that’s today! I was hesitant to put this in because of course it means a longer line for the rest of us. But out of the goodness of my small, Phish-food hoarding heart, I am letting you in on it. Go and mingle with the rest of Portland (after school, of course) at one of their three Portland locations, and get some free scoops.

Wired to win: Surviving the Tour de France, through June 14, OMSI: Maybe the only reason you like Lance Armstrong is because he dated Sheryl Crow. But you must have some respect for the hardcore bicyclists that train each year for that strenuous ride, the Tour de France. I’m sure that nothing will be more exhilarating than watching a bunch of people in brightly colored spandex pedaling madly through the beautiful vistas of France, as well as learning about the incredible physical and mental barriers they cross to get there.

Sasquatch, May 26 - 28, Gorge Amphitheatre: Do you like standing/jumping up and down in the hot sun, buying water that’s outrageously overpriced, and having to drive all the way up the Washington Gorge to do it? No? How about getting to see Beck, The Shins, Ben Harper, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists and more ALL at the same event? Yes. The annual Sasquatch music festival is what you want - sorry if you were expecting the legendary forest beast – but believe me, this is much better.