Many theories of the apocalypse have popped their little heads up over the past couple years. Al Gore’s Global Warming theory, conspirator’s nuke ideals, and scientist’s meteor predictions to name a few.

And, of course, this enticed me to think of one of my own.

Most of these theories are plausible, most don’t even make a lick of sense. And while contributing to both of these categories, I have come to a conclusion. Being influenced by so many different ways, I take what seems most likely to happen. It may not make sense, but it kicks the crud out of some of the already existing theories.

Well, you see…Global Warming WILL eventually take place, melting the ice and flooding our world with water. This will cause a mad rush for territory. Major countries will panic and nukes will be launched all over trying to clear out the competition, and the earth will literally be carved out. The world will resemble that of an apple core, with a little water still left. Of course, those who have planned for this will dive deep into the water to escape from any harmful amounts of radiation, having already found grottoes and building their own shelters on the ocean floor. After said carving of terra firma the earth will finally collapse in on itself, causing the poles to fuse and become one planet. The polar bears from the North and the penguins from the South will learn to coexist. They will rebuild civilization, developing their own stable economy.

The swimmers will emerge from what little water is left on our withered planet to find the polar bears and the penguins have crossbred creating a whole new species. These new “Bearaguins” will be one of the only animals that would inhabit our earth. And me, being one of the previously stated aquatic survivors, will learn to speak the language of the Bearaguins, earn their trust, and become their king. But alas, the remaining earth will be so small it will be overtaken by the sun’s gravity and careen into its fiery doom, thus, the end of the world. If you have any sense at all I would go and get a scuba suit to prepare for this awkward apocalypse. If needed, contact me for an experienced diving instructor.