The American Cancer Society estimates thatalmost 1.5 million new cancer cases will be diagnosed in the United States during 2009. I never expected one of those diagnoses to be in my family, however. After all, cancer always happens to other people — it certainly doesn’t affect me.
This past summer, when I heard my mom and dad talking about getting some tests done on lumps in my mom’s breasts, I didn’t let myself worry. I was absolutely certain that they would come back negative, because to me, cancer was like Madagascar. I knew it existed, but I had never been there or experienced it, so it really had no effect on my life.
Even when my mom told me that the tests had come back positive, meaning she had breast cancer, it wasn’t real to me. I felt like a little kid again, trying to hide from someone behind my fingers — if I couldn’t see the cancer, it wasn’t really there. Some part of my mind knew it existed, but I had yet to accept it.
As the weeks passed and my parents met with doctors, specialists, surgeons and survivors, I remained safe and ignorant behind my fingers. As I sat in Sky Ridge hospital waiting for my mom to come out of her surgeries (the first one was a double mastectomy, the second was the beginning of reconstruction,) I began to open my eyes, but refused to remove my fingers — cancer wasn’t really there, not yet.
I knew that the rest of my family had been struggling with my mom’s diagnosis since day one, especially my dad. It nearly broke my hear to watch him try to care about the idle conversation in that waiting room, when all he really wanted to do was be with his wife. When the receptionist finally said that my dad could go see her, his whole face lit up. A few minutes later my mom asked for me and my older sister to come in.
Walking into that room was a surreal experience. There was simply no way that my mom was the woman lying so frail and weak on the hospital bed, smiling at us. It was impossible that my amazing mom — the woman who was always so busy serving, working and caring for her family and friends — could have been stopped so suddenly by something that wasn’t really there…right?
That’s when it hit me. Cancer is real. It isn’t just something that you read about in newspapers and hear about on commercials. Maybe Madagascar wasn’t all that strange a place after all.
Unfortunately, surgery was just the beginning. While she recovered, my mom wasn’t able to do very much, which was hard for a workaholic like her. Then the chemotherapy started. As a result, she feels incredibly sick and her hair is falling out. In between treatments she can lead a mostly normal life—but she still can’t function at 100 percent.
This put a lot of strain on our family, but my dad shoulders the heaviest burden of all (aside from my mom’s.) Watching the woman he loves go through so much emotional and physical pain has been incredibly difficult for him. Caring for and worrying about her constantly as well as running his own business is more than enough for any man. Lately, he has been fixing and/or renovating large portions of our house. A close family friend told us it was because since he can’t fix my mom, he has to fix something.
One afternoon, fairly soon after the surgery, my dad and I got into a big fight. When my dad came to resolve things, he said something which had a profound effect on me.
“This is a nightmare,” he said. “I cry every night. Every morning I get up and hope it will be over, but it’s not.”
We’ve all gotten much better at coping with this trial since that day, but I will never forget the power which those words had, especially coming from my dad.
My mom has always been the rock in my life. She has been one thing which is guaranteed to be steady and strong. Seeing her afflicted with something as debilitating as cancer has changed my family’s dynamics in a hundred ways.
It has put us on an emotional rollercoaster so full of heart-wrenching twists, terrifying drops and disorienting flips that we are sure to be left dizzy for a long time after we disembark. Emotions we didn’t even know we had have been brought dangerously close to the surface, spilling over on more than one occasion.
Cancer has a way of destroying everything you thought you knew. Yet my family has been brought closer than ever before as we lean on and lift each other through each new trial. I have been forced on a journey of self-discovery that has pushed my emotions and mental abilities to their extremes. I have found new and deeper respect for both of my parents, but especially for my incredible mother, who has never let us see how much she truly suffers. Even while the chemotherapy cripples her health and drains her strength, she remains astonishingly positive as she strives to find ways to battle the cancer — both physically and emotionally.
The American Cancer Society reports that nearly half of all men and slightly over one-third of all women will develop cancer in their lifetime. It also states that the risk of developing most cancers can be reduced by changes in a person’s diet and lifestyle. My mom strongly believes that her cancer could have been largely prevented had she been living a better lifestyle. That means taking simple steps such as eating less sugar and choosing not to smoke can keep us from contracting cancer, which is the second leading cause of death in the United States.
My mom’s fight against cancer is not over yet, but she finishes chemotherapy in December. We all plan on coming out of this experience with more than just battle scars; we want to take this as an opportunity to improve our lives and better our relationships.
As an African proverb says, “Smooth seas do not make skilled sailors.” My family plans on weathering this hurricane and coming out of it stronger, more united and ready to face the next storm — no matter how big it may be.