With the rapid rise of the Californian, it seems that I can’t walk down the street nowadays without being asked what the “scoop” is.

I’m so frustrated with this constant questioning from people who can’t watch Anderson Cooper or check the BBC.

With all the newsworthy things going on in the word today, I’ve decided to take educating and updating my fellow students into my own hands.

In Czechoslovakia, a four ton railway bridge was stolen. Both the company that is responsible for looking after the bridge and the police are baffled and astounded.

They reached a common consensus, deciding that it must have been either stolen for its scrap value or personal use.

My question is how is it possible to hide a four ton bridge in a small European country? That’s one sneaky Czech.

“I wouldn’t laugh too hard at something like that,” said junior Daniel Lazarus. “At my grandfather’s Bar mitzvah in Israel, his family’s wall got stolen.”

In other news, last month, a herd of gritty, determined women took to the streets of Amsterdam. Their single goal: get to the finish line wearing a minimum of three and a half inch high heels.

This annual race is held on the famous P.C. Hooft Street and is called the “Stiletto Run”. Contenders in this “Shopping is a Sport” themed race push and shove for a 10,000 Euro grand prize. Ninety-nine of the 100 woman competing said they would buy new heels with the prize money.

“That is a man’s worst nightmare,” said senior George Emmons. “When I was five, I tried running with my mom’s heels and I accidentally killed a squirrel.”

Recently, Thai students were not allowed to wear watches during their university entrance exams after a student was caught cheating with a watch cell phone. Because of this, students had to remain watch-less during these exams.

Surprisingly, the officials forgot to ban cell phones.

“Wow,” said junior Omar Rashid. “If I had a watch that sweet I wouldn’t even bother coming to school, in fact I would just stay home all day and text my BFF Vincent Farro.”

Apostasy is a very common occurrence throughout the world in today’s day and age. We see Christians converting to Islam, Jews converting to Islam, and Buddhists converting to Islam. So why is it a crime to convert from Islam to another religion?

A Malaysian woman, as well as 57 other people, was jailed for doing exactly that.

They declared themselves apostates of Islam and converted to an obscure cult centered around a giant teapot. In the country of Malaysia, where Islam is the state religion, this is a crime.

“A person has a right to choose their religion and beliefs,” said sophomore Kelvin Lee. “I hope that woman and her friends keep worshipping that pot for all our sakes.”

There you have it, the most worldly news of the world around us.

Whether it be running down San Ramon Valley Boulevard in stilettos or planning a master heist of the Golden Gate Bridge, we all have a little of these stories in each of us. I wish you all good night and good luck.