Dear Max: I am preparing for graduation. What should I keep in mind as I approach this milestone in my life?  – Craig

Dear Craig: Yes. First and foremost, you should realize that graduation is not a transition, as many have claimed. Graduation is the end. They say that when one door closes, another opens. For graduation, this is not the case. 

The door to your childhood is closing, and no door will ever open to your past again. As your graduation ceremony approaches, remember that the conclusion of your high school experience is not a time for fun or happiness. It is a time of melancholy and sorrow. 

Do not try to enjoy your graduation ceremony. Embrace the somber attitude that is fitting and try to prepare yourself for the emotional impact of leaving all your friends behind. 

The world is a terrible place, Craig. Nothing but taxes, endless responsibilities, and the unfathomable depths of human suffering await you. 

Give up hope before you become emotionally invested in your future. Join the work force. Pay taxes. Live your life with little to no expectations of the future. At least this way your path through life will not be paved with your tears and the ashes of long-forgotten dreams.

 Dear Max: What is the most effective way I can study for finals?

P.S. I kissed a guy.  - Andrés Mendieta

Dear Andrés: The best way to prepare for finals is to be well-rested and eat a healthy breakfast. In fact, this is the only way in which I prepare. I no longer study for finals, and focus on sleeping a lot and eating well the morning before the final. 

Andrés, make healthy choices and you will be sure to do well on your finals. Drink raw eggs, skip studying, and sleep for at least 10 hours. And try not to kiss any guys, studies show that can lower your grades.

Dear Max: I need help planning my summer vacation. Please help me make my summer plans. You’re my only hope. – Sarah

Dear Sarah: I have traveled extensively in my life, and nowhere has proved to be as beautiful as the land down under. I am talking, of course, about Mexico. 

The further south of the border you go, the more fun. The people in Mexico are happy, the women are plentiful, and the opportunities for excitement abound. 

Mexico is like Chuck E. Cheese for adults, except there are more creepy, middle-aged men watching your children. And instead of pizza and animatronic dancing, there are hard drugs and gang-related violence. 

Recently, there has been a lot of hubbub about swine flu. Should you catch the disease, no worries, because you will have already enjoyed most of your vacation by the time you feel the symptoms.

Dear Max: How can I overcome my senioritis?  – Jay Kamdar

Dear Jay:  You will have plenty of time to work hard and dedicate yourself to your scholarly activities at summer school. Unfortunately, May is not the best month to try and reverse the effects of senioritis.

Dear Max: Where should I apply to college next year?  – Jan

Dear Jan: The most important consideration for college should be prestige. The only colleges worth your time are colleges that people have heard of. Not only does a “big name” college indicate a superior quality of education, but a superior quality of student. 

Also pay close mind to the sports program at the school. If they have never had a shot at a national title, they are beneath you.