The Californian California High School San Ramon, CA
Issue Date: Thursday, May 21, 2009 Issue: Volume XVIII, Issue VII Last Update: Tuesday, June 09, 2009


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At-a-glance

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Brett Morris Jake Sigl Jean Zhu
Junior Brett Morris, top right, could legally elope with his family members if Romania legalizes incest.

Do you have siblings? Have you ever found them attractive? If you answered yes to either of these questions, Romania might be the place for you. 

Recently, Romania has proposed a law that will make consensual incest legal. Overwhelming support from Romanians and the international community alike has been shown for the proposal.

Statistics indicate that it is very difficult for Romanians to find partners to whom they are not related. “Romania is like one never-ending episode of ‘The Amazing Chan’, but instead of 10 siblings, there are 21 million,” said area man, junior Anton Pagliuca.

It is especially hard for people living in rural parts of the country to procreate. They often have to travel hundreds of miles in order to find a spouse.

If this law is passed, they could cut their commuting costs in half by never even having to leave the house in search of a mate.

If people don’t need to spend their time driving to find potential spouses, they can cut their commuting costs in half and decrease their carbon footprint.

“If Romania passes the law legalizing incest, it will become the greenest nation in the world,” said local environmental activist  sophomore Karan Bhatnagar.

Many support the proposed legislation on the grounds that human beings are not in control of who they find attractive. 

They argue that if fate wills that your soulmate happens to be a relative, there’s nothing one can do about it. 

And on the plus side, if you are a girl and you like your last name, you can keep it by marrying your cousin.

A recent ad in support of the proposal states, “Men, if you kissed a girl and you liked it (and that girl happened to be your sister), you’re in luck! Love should have no boundaries, and in Romania it doesn’t.”

Another benefit of the legalization of incest is that families will be able pass on desirable traits to future generations.

If a pair of siblings possess genes that are superb to the rest of the population, there is no incentive to dilute that gene pool.

There are few arguments against the law as some citizens have expressed concern that they will not know what to call their relatives if they engage in incest.

“If my mom was also my aunt, what would I call her? Monty?” asked local Russian, senior Katy Frenklakh. “Or what if my grandpa and my dad were one in the same?”

These issues, however, are few and far between, and legal incest has met near-unanimous favor.

“What’s really important here is that family members love each other,” said freshman and area incest-enthusiast Adrienne Lundry.  “How they express that love for one another is completely irrelevant.”


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