The Adarsh Slant: A Twisted Look Into the Mind of Adarsh KannanFriday, October 05, 2007 By Adarsh Kannan
I was flipping through the channels after school several days ago when I saw that OJ Simpson was back on trial. For all you ignorants, OJ is a former NFL running back and was involved in what might be the most famous murder trial in American history when he was accused of murdering his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and a waiter who had come to her Los Angeles home to return her sunglasses, Ron Goldman, in 1994 and was involved in a high-speed car chase in what has become known as the “Bronco chase.” OJ went to trial and was acquitted with the amazing lawyering of the late Johnnie Cochran in what seemed to be a sure defeat. Simpson still lost the civil case and owed Fred Goldman, Ron Goldman’s father 33.5 million dollars. OJ is now accused of stealing his own memorabilia. The funny thing is, recently OJ wrote a book titled If I Did It. Since the court ruled that all proceeds up to 33.5 million dollars will be given to the Goldman family. Apparently OJ has not paid much money at all, which is odd considering his four million dollar pension or the fees he has charged for appearing at trade shows and exhibitions. Now that we’re on the topic of OJ, let’s look back to the last time OJ was on trial – 1994 – and see what has changed…and what has not. 1. I was four years old and I was romping through Richard Montgomery preschool …and now I am a senior in high school, taking three AP classes this year and perhaps on my way to killing myself (figuratively speaking) before December ends. 2. Bill Clinton was president and there had been no mention of Monica Lewinsky yet…and now George W. Bush is the president and his Monica Lewinsky is the war in Iraq – an issue that just won’t go away; an issue that will define his presidency; an issue that will be just as memorable as Clinton’s famous quote: “I did not have a ….” Yeah you can fill out the rest. 3. France was a sissy country (as it had been for it’s 1000 year history)…and now under the leadership of Nicolas Sakozy, France is taking a stance against Iran and challenging other leaders of the Western World to join them. This might be the most mind blowing thing that has happened all year. 4. The N’Sync - Backstreet Boys rivalry was just kicking off…and now we have a whole new battle on our plate – Gangsta style – Kanye vs. 50 Cent. Kanye has had more sales than 50 on their new albums and so according to the conditions of the bet, 50 has to retire. Honestly though, who believes that’s going to happen? That’s like saying Tupac died. 5. I had never heard of Steve Jobs or Apple Computers…and now the Ipod is everywhere. The other day I saw a five or six year old kid with one. What does a little chump need an ipod for? I’m sure they play Kidsongs on WETA or something and I’m sure Barney and Sesame Street still run on TV too. What more do you need when you’re five? (other than the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers) 6. I had never had Chipotle…and now I have! 7. I had high ambitions for my life…and now wow I don’t even know where I’m spending the next four years of my life. College Applications are perhaps the most stressful stuff I’ve done….since…ever? Get started early kids: Take your SAT and ACT before you’re potty trained. 8. I never gambled…and I have still never gambled. 9. I couldn’t ride a bike with training wheels…and now I’m driving a car…when I’m not crashing it. 10. I thought sexy was a bad word…and now if I call someone sexy it’s a good thing…for both of us. Consider it a blessing if Adarsh calls you sexy. 11. Some freshmen weren’t even born yet…and now they’re in high school. Think about it. There’s a huge age difference between seniors and freshmen. Some freshmen think they can hang with the upperclassmen. Fact is, they can’t. You were coming out of your mom’s uterus when I was visiting Disney World for the first time. I’m three years ahead of you. I’m going to college soon. You got four years of work. I’m Adarsh. You’re not. 12. BBQ Club was a small idea in the little head of Tommy Whitlock…and now it’s reality. I better not be seeing any BBQ Club shirts on any other day except for gameday because that’s just lame. Who wears BBQ club shirts on any other day except for gameday? 13. Freshmen didn’t matter…and now they still don’t. Any explanation needed? Nah. Freshmen don’t deserve one either. 14. The Redskins were going through the second year of Norv Turner’s absolutely terrible coaching run immediately after drafting “the savior” Heath Shuler from the University of Tennessee to become their quarterback of the future…and now they can’t convert a first and goal from the one yard line. I would talk about the Redskins but I don’t want to become suicidal so I won’t. On a personal note – Adarsh (No College Yet) is half man/half amazing so think about that ladies, when you decide which stud muffin you want to take to homecoming…and the answer should always be ADARSH!