Edward-Mania is InsaniaThursday, March 25, 2010 By Maria Kirigin
The Twilight Saga, oddly popular, is a waste of the paper it is published on—in fact, it is simply the worst writing you’ll encounter in Young Adult literature. Sure, it might be fun to read about a glittery, sad excuse for a vampire falling for a girl quite ignorant to the fact she’s being stalked by a mythical beast, but that’s only because you get to laugh at the grammatical mistakes you find on every other page. “Oh, but Bella Swann is just so easy to relate to!” you might say. Yes, but that is only because you are probably 12 if you are saying things of the sort. In time you will learn that having a stranger watch you while you sleep is not normal. Actually, what am I saying? If you like Twilight so much to even consider that normality, you will probably be waiting around your entire life for an Edward to come and save you from your own clumsy mess of a life. Well, listen carefully: he isn’t coming. He is a fictional character. Excuse me for breaking your bubble but Edward Cullen is not real—and if he was, he’d be in jail by now. It’s depressing to see so many girls falling for someone who doesn’t exist. Especially someone as obsessive, possessive and controlling as Edward. He only loves Bella because she smells good. That is not love; that is creepy. She only loves him because his perfectly built 117-year-old abs sparkle. What kind of vampire sparkles? Not a proper one, that’s who. And honestly, girls, can’t you see there must have been something wrong with the man if he’s been single for the past 100 years? When websites such as “Husbands Against Twilight” are being made, you know the problem is serious. If you care to venture into the realms of “MyLifeIsTwilight.com” you’ll find more than half the posts involve dumping boyfriends for either not resembling Edward Cullen enough or for throwing a Twilight book across the room in desperation. Frankly, I feel like throwing one myself when I read about girls asking their boyfriends to ice their lips before they’re kissed to be more like Edward. What is this world coming to? I recently came across a Facebook group that wholly summed up the meaning of the novel for me: “ Twilight: The story of a girl’s choice to practice bestiality or necrophilia.” This couldn’t be a truer statement. Having young girls look up to someone as obsessed with werewolves and vampires as Bella is not healthy. Even worse is the fact that the creatures aren’t even the real deal—they’re not the hardcore vampires we used to watch when we were young. There’s a huge difference between watching the beastly vampires in “Buffy” or “Interview with a Vampire” and watching a messy-haired, high cheekboned Edward beg Bella to tell him he’s a vampire. Not cool, kids. I disapprove. I strongly warn young Twilight-obsessed fans out there to venture into the real world where boys don’t sparkle and don’t have to ask how long you’ve been 17 for. Put the book down and go get some sunlight. And sweetie, leave the body glitter at home.