Battle of the Sexes: Will you go to Prom with me? (Guys edition)Thursday, April 22, 2010 By Teddy Amenabar
Girls are looking for dresses online, boys are getting uneasy, the weather’s warming up, and the stars are aligning for what girls call the best night of their high-school lives. This four-letter word causes boys’ wallets to be empty and their confidence to vanish into thin air. Yes, Paint branch, I’m talking about the infamous, the memorable, and the nerve-wracking prom. What’s nerve-wracking? Well, besides the fact that girls have been picturing this Cinderella story for years, boys have to find a way to see if a girl likes him, ask the girl, and then plan the rest while keeping his sanity. Before the rentals, the restaurant, the group, and the tickets, the boy must ask the girl. But this is far more complex than just a question, and the boy is not to blame. You guys are impossible to read; with your change in interests and beating around the bush, it can get confusing and ultimately distressing. Be obvious but not too obvious, bring up the subject, and let them know you even want to go to prom. We might need a little push but, if you get us rolling, we will see where you are going. If a guy thinks the girl likes him, he has to ask her. How? Well, study up on your high-school romantic movies and watch The O.C. because the more romantic the better. There are five deadly ways that can kill the chances of getting a yes 1) NEVER ask in a rush, right after the bell, or before you get on the bus because you look like something out of Napoleon Dynamite. 2) No notes; this isn’t middle school, and a note with a check yes or no will make the girl question if you’re still five years old. DO NOT make it too public. Yes, it’s great to ask in school by her locker or something, but hold the announcement on television or the “Will you marry me?” for baseball games to come. 4) BIGGER isn’t always better. 5,000 balloons in her car may be cute, but they would sure be annoying to get out. 5) And maybe the most important, think before you speak; saying the question once is hard enough, but saying uhh welll ummmm and maybe just adds to your I.Q dropping every time you say something. So, what if the girl says yes? Well, boys have to do more than crack a couple of piggy banks. Though the hardest part may be over, we have a lot more things to make your Kodak moment perfect. And what the males at Paint Branch want you to understand is what we do for you because a little appreciation goes a long way. So please, girls, study up and try to put what I’m writing into real life. We know you’ve been imagining this event since you were five, but if you still think that’s going to happen, you’re out of luck. No fairy godmother can help here because at Paint Branch there isn’t really a Prince Charming, but chances are high that one guy wants to ask you so, before you begin to treat us like a game again, remember what I said. We may not be able to pop out of your garages with a decorated sign saying “Prom” on it, or make a pizza with M&Ms spelling P_R_O_M be delivered to your house, but we do care. So before you crack open those master plans of yours, try and remember what we have to do. We’ll love to set up all the events and even meet your parents, but if you’re asking us to go along with another Cinderella story, well, sorry girls we love ya but not that much.