Recently, the Briar Woods High School PEER group has raised awareness of domestic abuse in teenage dating relationships. This, regrettably, is a serious issue that should be addressed. The solution to this problem is simple. Love can be defined as a benevolent, unselfish regard for another human being. Abuse is neither benevolent nor unselfish and if abuse is present, love isn’t.

By the time one reaches high school, the soup pot of hormones has come to a rolling boil. In this sometimes messy mystery stew, the spectrum of romance can span from someone who has already had five significant others each year of middle school, to the quiet, soft-spoken individual who continues to look on the object of their desire up until senior year and never tells that crush how he or she feels. Most if not all people between the ages of twelve and twenty will tell you that romance or some such area is on his or her mind most of the time. However, the big predicament is why do teenagers search for romance and love in a social situation that is focused on something else (academics), and only lasts four years?

Most teenagers would simply say that they want to and that they feel they need someone to love. In our modern society when these sort of relationships are highlighted in young adulthood during and after college, teenage feelings get thrown under the bus by the educational system and society by setting the standard of a college degree. The four years of high school mark the end of one’s life at and around their childhood home, as well as with their peers that grew up around them. Afterward, they are thrust into a completely new world in college and leave every one they have grown close to over elementary, middle and high school. Friends scatter to other colleges or to the other end of the same college; closer, but still mostly out of reach.

If we look back at history, when in a person’s life does he or she become romantically involved, marry and start a family? The answer is during the teenage years. Keeping this fact in mind, we now know that nature doesn’t place puberty where it does just to make lives miserable. If something must be blamed for making relationships hard to maintain, blame the twenty-first century educational system.

Now that we have addressed that, it’s time to talk about the illusions of high-school relationships. High School Musical is not real, and neither are Troy and Gabriella, and neither is their adorable dating relationship. Twilight is also not real, and neither are Bella and Edward; and obviously vampires aren’t real. Couples have spats, get in arguments and disagreements and one shouldn’t expect things to go smoothly all the time. As cliché as it sounds, communication is the ultimate goal. Look out for the interests of your significant other and disagreements should avoid you.

Another challenge for these relationships is the juggling factor. High school is, by design, a place for young people to learn and master logical skills in order to be prepared for a higher education. For public education, a government-fueled robot, love does not compute. A simple solution to this problem is to keep your priorities in check. If you’re planning to go to college, then grades should be your number one priority. If both parts of a couple wish to go to college, then recognizing the importance of grades to yourself and your significant other is crucial to maintain the peace.

These tie back to the illusions of relationships, but this time they are gender specific. Men may feel that they have the right to control their partners, and that masculinity equals physical aggression. The equation for a loving and stable relationship doesn’t include possessiveness or aggression; it includes placing your needs and wants below your partner’s. For women, some may feel that they are responsible for fixing issues in a relationship and that possessiveness and jealousy is romantic. Remember that communication is the crux of a healthy relationship and if you’re the only one doing the talking then good communication isn’t happening.

A healthy, stable relationship in high school is hard to begin and even harder to maintain. Keep in mind that love is benevolent and unselfish, and that communication is key. Treat your significant other better than yourself and keep each other’s educational priorities in mind. If you manage to do good in all these areas, then you may be one of the lucky few who find love early on.