All for one, and certainly one for all. The University of Brennanburg is just that. Is it brains that one needs to get in? Absolutely not! Brennanburg University welcomes all students of any type. We don’t care if you got that "F" in Spanish class or an 11 on your ACT’s. That would just be plain cruel. After all, brains aren’t everything. We are that type of college that welcomes anyone and our doors are wide open, literally.

Brennanburg University will let one truly explore him or herself. We support activities such as partying till the sun comes up and most likely till the sun goes back down again. Even though we may not be nationally ranked, or possibly even acknowledged as a real college, we’re not really sure; what matters most is that we make one feel welcomed and accepted.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to get into this university, although students interested in becoming rocket scientists are encouraged to apply. The application process is very simple. We ask that one sends us a piece of paper with one’s name on it, one’s best stick person drawing and whether one prefers Coca-Cola or Pepsi. Please send this to 1234 Imaccepted Ave., Mt. Wannahackalugie, AZ 00911

Bonuses include fruit punch bubblers, water-beds in dorm rooms, a free lava lamp with the dorm room and free wireless internet. We even provide sport facilities for those who had dreams of becoming all stars. Senior Charles Ruffing, a former basketball player here at CHS said, "The basketball facilities are great; my jump-shot is getting better each day. I know one of these days I’ll make it to the top." You may be familiar with a few other students here at CHS who have applied and been accepted at Brennanburg University. This includes Dominic Bastian, Tommy Walters, Miles Franzen and Tom Schneider.

Brennanburg is an excellent university. Don’t be afraid to apply.