How to... capture hearts and other personal items Sunday, February 12, 2012 By Clarissa Weers - Chris Harlow Advertising  It is that time of the year again. If you are in a relationship, then today will be full of chocolate, roses and love. If you are not in a relationship, then it is Singles Awareness Day, or “SAD”. If you’re a member of this “SAD” group, why don’t you spend this holiday doing something rather enjoyable? No, I don’t mean go home and watch love stories and cry while eating Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I’m talking about getting your crush to notice you. But, you also don’t want to ruin the day by getting rejected. The solution is to be the perfect secret admirer. In order to become a sneaky secret admirer, you must discover the person you adore in all five senses. The first and most important is to use your sight. Watch your unsuspecting love every day consecutively, without missing a beat. You need to remain unknown to them, though, so never let them catch you gawking. You can do this by staring at them in the classroom from at least two rows behind and diagonal. Wear sunglasses and draw on a fake beard (Yes, girls, you too!) in order to conceal your identity. Watching constantly with your eye on them like a hawk will give you insight into what they enjoy, what they like to eat for lunch, their favorite pen to use and even their locker combination! Put your spy skills to the test, this time with other senses. Sneak into the gym locker room, put in your valentine’s combo, you should already have the number from your earlier reconcile. Take out those crusty, dirty gym clothes and breathe in the amazing smelling sensation of your true love. Knowing the good and bad of the one you’re stalking... I mean admiring! Is what will make you their ideal boyfriend or girlfriend. Touching all of the things in their locker will connect you to them more physically as well. But, be sure to use your listening skills too! If you hear someone coming into the locker room, run! Getting a taste literally of what your future lover likes uses the last sense necessary to be the perfect admirer. After they are done with their splendid lunch in the Titan Cafe, offer to take the trash out for the custodian. Once escaping the no-longer hungry crowds in the lunchroom, take a dumpster dive into your crush’s leftovers. Take a bite to understand the taste they like. An Arby’s sandwich spiced with sauce, cheese pizza drowning in cheese, or a juice box drunk dry can all be meaningful. Once you have used all of your senses, it will finally be time to begin admiring. On the big day of February 14th wake up extra early to arrive at your heartthrob’s house. Use binoculars to admire them through their window, being sure to pay close attention to the color of clothes they will be wearing. Once you know, immediately speed off! Go to your local HyVee store and purchase a dozen flowers that will complement their outfit. Be sure to pick up some candy that matches the flavors you discovered after they ate lunch. If they like spicy, buy chocolate with a hint of cinnamon. Original cheese? Get the classic milk chocolate. You can also buy a few heart-shaped gummies if they have a juicy side. Purchase some perfume for a romantic effect, and then head to school at least an hour early! Once there, pile all your secret admirer gifts into their locker (preferably not their gym locker), and decorate the outside with their favorite color, animals- anything that you noticed they liked while looking through your shades. Add some balloons to really make a statement and hearts to show your true affection. You have 30 minutes to complete this phase of the plan. It is extremely important that you leave! Leave the school! Leave your home! Move away! Your admiring must always be kept secret. Forever. You don’t want to ruin your day, your week, possibly even your life, by remembering valentines day as the day you were rejected by your one and only love. Your crush will never suspect it was you because you are, the perfect secret admirer.

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